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February 12, 2004
Copyright © 2004 by Bill Dueease
What is it and how does it happen?
What
is a Mid-life Crisis?
Many people reach a point in their lives where the work they do and the
life they live are uncomfortable, unpleasant, or unfulfilling. The prospect
of continuing in the same work and life positions becomes almost frightening.
Yet, they feel confined, or stuck in a rut. They feel miserable but also
feel trapped in the continuing cycle, with little if any prospect of changing
things. This is when they feel the forces of the famous mid-life crisis.
When people begin their early adult life, they feel a sense of relief
because they are free of being told what to do by teachers, parents, and
others. They can make big decisions on their own, but they are new at
this decision game. They normally select their work or career path based
upon the normal trial and error method. They accept positions that appear
to offer the best “opportunity” for them. They then discover
that they have a great deal to learn as newcomers into the work force.
They fall back into the learning and appeasing mode to achieve success
in their work. They find that appeasing the wants and desires of their
superiors and conforming to the culture of the companies they work for
become the key ingredients to their success. As young adults, they are
very flexible and can easily adjust and conform to the expected behaviors,
demanded by their bosses, the companies they work for, by the social circles
they wish to participate in and by the many other forces affecting them
(like parents and friends).
Because they are so adapt at conforming to the expectations of others,
they normally are given advancements, praise, and other positive feedback.
This positive reaction to their conforming ways only strengthens their
motivation to continue their appeasing of others lifestyle.
As time goes by, they will start to feel stress as they begin to question
their almost blind adaptation to others. But by this time, they have already
established a very definite working career and lifestyle, so they just
go along for the ride. For example, their boss may ask them to do something
that makes them uncomfortable, but they do it anyway.
Mid-Life Crisis occurs at the point in time when people finally realize
that the stresses in their work and life have built up to serious levels.
This stress is caused by the conflicts between meeting the demands and
expectations of others and their own inner priorities, desires, beliefs
and or passions. They become torn between continuing in the life they
have, (because they don’t want to lose what they have worked so hard
to get) and the newly discovered desire to forge a new life that they
really don’t understand yet. This leads to frustration and many times,
abnormal behaviors, as an escape from the conflicts.
If you have experienced similar Mid-Life issues, it does not mean anything
is wrong with you. Instead, it means that you have finally reached a point
where you are no longer participating in the best-fit work and personal
life situation for you. In essence, you have drifted into the wrong work
and life situation for you. The Chinese symbol for crisis is the exact
same symbol for opportunity. The key to overcoming this crisis (or
expanding this opportunity) is to discover what makes you tick and
redirect your career and life to fit YOUR needs and wants.
We welcome your opinions and comments.
Bill Dueease
Editor
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