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LIFE COACHING

Living with The 'Shoulds' and what you can do about it.

Connecting For Results #58
February 16, 2005
Copyright © 2004 by Bill Dueease

We are all subjected to the 'shoulds' as we grow up. We are told by our parents, by our teachers, by our friends, by massive advertising, by our bosses, and by the laws we live under, what we should and should not do. The many 'shoulds' people try to impose on others are most often very contradictory. Some people say you should do this, others say you should do the opposite.

Why people tell you what you should do?

People normally try to tell you what you should do in order to support their own agendas. Most often, following their 'shoulds' will not be in your best interest. Parents impose their agendas of pride and self-fulfillment by telling their children they should follow certain lifestyles and professions. Advertisers impose their agendas to use their products by telling people what they should look like or do to be beautiful or happy. Teachers impose their agendas of control and self-fulfillment by telling their students what they should do and believe in to be good students. Bosses impose their agendas of getting ahead by telling their subordinates what they should do to keep their jobs.

Which 'shoulds' are best for you?

Trying to figure out which 'shoulds' to give the highest priorities and follow and which 'shoulds' to relegate to secondary priorities and either ignore or delay can be a very confusing and difficult task. Life frustrations and stresses occur when dealing with the powerful conflicting forces of the many 'shoulds' people allow to influence their lives.

But what do YOU want?

Lost in the multitude of 'shoulds' constantly imposed on you by others, is what YOU really want and need to suit YOUR desires, YOUR priorities and YOUR agenda. If you constantly live your life to fulfill the 'shoulds' of others, you will rarely, if ever, reach happiness or true-life enjoyment. Far too many people suppress their own desires, priorities, and passions to live out their lives to fit the 'shoulds' of others. Guilt, a need to sacrifice, low self esteem, and even an avoidance of responsibilities motivates people to follow the 'shoulds' of others. This might explain why so many young people will commit suicide murder. They submit themselves to the controlling 'shoulds' of fanatical religious leaders. Unfortunately, we read about suicide bombers almost every day. They pay a horrible price for following the 'shoulds' of others.

People have within them their own inner passions, desires, and priorities. People normally suppress them to allow for the 'shoulds' of others. They are also normally very scrambled and confusing in the first place. But, they are there and they want out. Subconscious feelings and motivations are governed by these important internal factors. But, when people override their intuitive feelings to rationally submit to the external 'shoulds' of others, they create internal conflicts. These conflicts develop energy draining stresses and frustrations that people frequently do not fully recognize nor understand.

You owe it to yourself to discover your own driving forces.

You owe it to yourself to discover your own priorities, desires, and passions. This is not a selfish act, as many people would want you to believe. The true selfish acts are perpetrated by others who impose THEIR 'shoulds' on you to suit their own selfish agendas, normally at your expense. Instead, it is a necessary step to tap into your own powers and rid yourself of your daily stresses and frustrations. By doing so, you will have more energy (more pep in your step) because you will eliminate the very draining internal stresses and conflicts described above. You will enjoy life more. You will contribute many more positive things to the world and especially to your chosen loved ones. Your health will greatly improve. You will become more attractive to others (without needing cosmetic surgery). You will be much more motivated to capture everything you can out of every day. You will make better decisions. You will be less confused and will become much more focused on the things you decide upon. You will become more patient and understanding of others. You will develop stronger and more meaningful relationships. You will find true peace of mind.

A true life example of overcoming the powerful 'shoulds' of others.

One 55 year old attorney had built a practice by suing doctors and hospitals. He lived a lonely miserable life doing so. He became an attorney to suit the rigidly imposed 'shoulds' of his mother, who insisted on having a professional for a son, even though she was never fully satisfied. She really wanted him to become a Medical Doctor, and never lost a chance to remind him, even when he turned 55. At 56 he could take it no longer, and he found a way to discover what his true inner passions, desires, and priorities were. (You guessed it, he hired a coach). He ceased following the 'shoulds' of his parents. Within no time he reshaped his life to become a sailing instructor and give happiness to others instead of attacking the medical profession. He lost weight. His health dramatically improved. He felt a true enjoyment for life that he had never thought possible. Oh, he also became such a fun person to be around (because he truly enjoyed himself for the first time) that he attracted a number of quality friends and ladies.

Conclusion

Are you living your life to suit the 'shoulds' of others? Are you suffering undue daily stresses and frustrations? Do you feel like you rarely measure up? Maybe it is time for you to discover what YOU want and free yourself from the unnecessary burden of the 'shoulds' of others.

We welcome your opinions and comments.

Bill Dueease
Editor

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