July 22, 2004
Copyright © 2004 by Bill Dueease
Connecting with a coach whom you will develop a strong
trusting bond and true equal partnership is one of the four key conditions
of achieving success through coaching. Why is having such a strong caring
relationship with your coach so important to your success? Why wouldn't
any qualified coach be able to assist you to achieve your coachable
goals? Why is it so important that you and your coach develop a close,
special and very personal bond?
The answer is that the strong caring relationship you have with your
coach will be the most important ingredient to assist you to get over
"the wall." The first stage of successful coaching consists
of discovering whom you really are and what you really want to do. Your
coach will ask you in-depth questions to uncover your passions, desires
and priorities, beliefs, talents and your self imposed obstacles. In
essence, your coach will serve as your mirror so you will see and understand
what they truly are. Unless you have been coached before you will probably
experience these revelations for the very first time. This is where
you will probably encounter "the wall." When you face the
reality of the new perspectives presented by the mirror (your coach)
for the first time, you will probably encounter conflicts that will
create resistance or "the wall."
These conflicts arise because the new perspectives offered by your coach
may differ from what you have been told about yourself. "The wall"
is really the realization of the conflicts between your previously perceived
understanding of yourself and the new truths presented by your coach.
Unfortunately, most people develop a sense about themselves based upon
what others tell them. Others who normally influence the picture people
develop of themselves include parents, friends, teachers, bosses, competitors,
and admirers. They all present descriptions that are based more on what
fits their agendas than on what is really the truth. As an example,
bosses are notorious for presenting "strengths" and "weaknesses"
to suit how they want their employees to behave to follow their personal
agendas. Likewise, admirers will present exaggerated descriptions to
suit their desire to fulfill their hero worship needs. It's no wonder
people develop such confusing and inaccurate pictures of themselves,
when you consider the multitude of different and inaccurate descriptions
they receive from so many people.
Your coach will dig for and present the truth, without any agenda, without
any judgment, and with total caring support. People hit "the wall"
when their true inner passions, desires, priorities, beliefs, talents
or self-imposed obstacles are first presented by their coach, and they
do not agree with the confusing and inaccurate picture they had of themselves,
before coaching.
Although many people say they really want to discover and understand
themselves so they will become the "world’s leading expert
on themselves" the actual discovery process can be scary. There
appears to be a lot of unknowns. The discovery of these new truths might
burst preconceived bubbles and expectations. They will probably take
people out of their well-manicured comfort zones. This is when resistance
to the discovery process pops up and can be called "the wall."
The resistance can be so strong that some people say that they do not
want to continue to discover the truth about themselves. Yet it is their
misunderstanding of themselves that drove them to the point of seeking
the assistance of a coach in the first place.
Your personally selected equal partner coach will be your confidant,
supporter, cheerleader and guide to journey through the maze of confusion
about yourself to finally discover the enlightening truth about yourself.
The strong bond and caring, non-judgmental relationship between you
and your coach will become the source of strength to avoid "the
wall." You will gain enough confidence in yourself through your
strong coaching relationship to look for and accept the truth about
yourself. When you finally see, understand and accept the newly discovered
truth about yourself you will feel a strong sense of relief and excitement.
Your previous conflicts all but disappear. You will experience new sources
of energy and self-reliance. These events are normally called "breakthroughs."
Sometimes they are also referred to as "Ah Ha's." Normally,
when coaching clients get around "the wall" for the first
time and experience a "coachable breakthrough" they undergo
a remarkable change in their outlook, attitude about themselves and
their lives.
Here is an example of a true-life situation where a person had been
suffering through a life to please others. He had been unable to avoid
his “wall” for years until he finally connected with a coach
whom he felt a strong enough caring bond to share his lifelong dreams,
and the changes in his life were remarkable.
An aggressive plaintiff’s attorney had made an excellent living
suing insurance companies hospitals and medical practitioners for over
twenty years. But he had been going through the motions. His only life
enjoyment involved his saltwater fishing hobby. He had not considered
himself to be marriage material, and remained single. His elderly mother
continued to be disappointed in his choice of professions and still
wanted her son to be a Doctor. After much research and personal investigation
he connected with a coach with whom he felt a strong and caring bond.
Once the discovery phase of coaching began, he released over twenty
years of bottled up passions, priorities and desires to some day earn
a living as a salt-water fishing guide. After only three sessions, he
was able to clearly describe his dream life and what it would take to
live it. His coach not only encouraged him to live his dream, but she
also provided him the permission (that had been withheld by his parents)
to live his life to fulfill his passions and priorities. Once he cleared
his “wall” that had been blocking him all his life, he flew
to the Caribbean, bought a fishing guide business, a new boat, and a
house in only four days. He returned to his law practice and closed
it down within a week and began his dream life in the Caribbean. He
lost weight and he smiles much more because he really enjoys his life
and helps people enjoy themselves versus attacking others. He also discovered
how well new his real self appealed to the ladies.
Virtually everyone has at least one “wall” and sometimes more.
These self -imposed “walls” become obstacles to achieving
greater enjoyment, peace of mind, and the feeling of self-worth and
achievement we all want. The journey around these walls can be very
difficult, if not downright impossible, for many to take alone. Your
coach will not only assist you to recognize your “walls” which
would otherwise remain a mystery, but he or she will guide you around
them. The partnership developed with the right coach will make the journey
not only possible but much easier and quicker. Once you clear your “wall”
and discover and accept the truth about you, great things begin to happen.
This newly discovered truth will not only set you free but provide the
basis of growing and improving as a person in so many ways. You will
finally tap into your true gifts, talents and follow your chosen path
to greatness. Why? Because you will be able to be you and produce, enjoy,
thrive, and prosper with less effort, much less stress, and in the natural
way you were meant to live. You will discover your “zone”
of life and work and actually live and operate within it. The rewards
that await most people on the other side of their “walls”
are far more valuable and exciting than can be sufficiently described
here.
We welcome your opinions and comments.
Bill Dueease
Editor
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