February 12, 2004
Copyright © 2004 by Bill Dueease
Many people reach a point in their lives where the work they do and
the life they live are uncomfortable, unpleasant, or unfulfilling. The
prospect of continuing in the same work and life positions becomes almost
frightening. Yet, they feel confined, or stuck in a rut. They feel miserable
but also feel trapped in the continuing cycle, with little if any prospect
of changing things. This is when they feel the forces of the famous
mid-life crisis.
When people begin their early adult life, they feel a sense of relief
because they are free of being told what to do by teachers, parents,
and others. They can make big decisions on their own, but they are new
at this decision game. They normally select their work or career path
based upon the normal trial and error method. They accept positions
that appear to offer the best “opportunity” for them. They
then discover that they have a great deal to learn as newcomers into
the work force. They fall back into the learning and appeasing mode
to achieve success in their work. They find that appeasing the wants
and desires of their superiors and conforming to the culture of the
companies they work for become the key ingredients to their success.
As young adults, they are very flexible and can easily adjust and conform
to the expected behaviors, demanded by their bosses, the companies they
work for, by the social circles they wish to participate in and by the
many other forces affecting them (like parents and friends).
Because they are so adapt at conforming to the expectations of others,
they normally are given advancements, praise, and other positive feedback.
This positive reaction to their conforming ways only strengthens their
motivation to continue their appeasing of others lifestyle.
As time goes by, they will start to feel stress as they begin to question
their almost blind adaptation to others. But by this time, they have
already established a very definite working career and lifestyle, so
they just go along for the ride. For example, their boss may ask them
to do something that makes them uncomfortable, but they do it anyway.
Mid-Life Crisis occurs at the point in time when people finally realize
that the stresses in their work and life have built up to serious levels.
This stress is caused by the conflicts between meeting the demands and
expectations of others and their own inner priorities, desires, beliefs
and or passions. They become torn between continuing in the life they
have, (because they don’t want to lose what they have worked so
hard to get) and the newly discovered desire to forge a new life that
they really don’t understand yet. This leads to frustration and
many times, abnormal behaviors, as an escape from the conflicts.
.
If you have experienced similar Mid-Life issues, it does not mean anything
is wrong with you. Instead, it means that you have finally reached a
point where you are no longer participating in the best-fit work and
personal life situation for you. In essence, you have drifted into the
wrong work and life situation for you. The Chinese symbol for crisis
is the exact same symbol for opportunity. The key to overcoming this
crisis (or expanding this opportunity) is to discover what makes you
tick and redirect your career and life to fit YOUR needs and wants.
We welcome your opinions and comments.
Bill Dueease
Editor
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